Photo by Jkgroove

I don’t know what to write about today. I’ve been staring at the computer for at least an hour with nothing to show for it. Okay, that’s not entirely true. There was a brief moment of inspiration courtesy of the stupid cursor winking and taunting me from the blank page. First, I typed out “F*ck you, cursor!” about ten times, and then “F*ck! F*ck! F*ck!” in a crisscrossing pattern down the page, and then finally just a single “WHAT THE F*CK AM I GOING TO WRITE ABOUT?!!!” in 72 font. But I deleted it all, and nothing’s come since.

I don’t believe in writer’s block but sometimes I hit a wall and can’t find a way around it. What do I do when this happens? I try harder. I hold my breath and concentrate on accessing the 90% of my brain that I supposedly will never use in my lifetime. Usually, I stop before I pass out. Yeah, I like to suffer for my art.

But what the f*ck am I going to write about!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, maybe it’s time for some fresh air. I’m going to take my laptop outside and see if a change of scenery will help shake me out of this funk. So hold on a second….

Okay, I’m outside of my apartment now sitting at the top of the stairs and observing the street below. My laptop balanced on my thighs, I’m just going to type out what I see around me. As long as I’m writing there’s an opportunity that something’s going to spark. An idea will bloom. Maybe I’ll focus on something specific. Like those well-manicured miniature trees in front of the charter school across the street. They look like candelabras, and from here their leaves seem like they’d be fuzzy to the touch.

And now something’s happening. A car’s pulled up and stopped in the middle of the street outside my apartment. It’s a black Suburban with tinted windows. One of those for-hire cars. The driver rolls down the window. He’s looking at me. Seems friendly enough, though that nervous twitch below his left eye probably scares some people off. He’s asking me for directions to the 405 Freeway. Funny, he should know if he’s a driver, but hey, as I know firsthand, Los Angeles can be a confusing city to navigate. I’m not into shouting so I think I’ll go down and tell him where to go. So hold on a second…

Okay, this is weird. I swear the clock on my laptop said 8:30 AM when I went to give that guy directions, and now it says 9:00 AM and I can’t account for the last thirty minutes. And why is the only light the glow coming off the computer monitor? Obviously, I must have felt another change of scenery was needed to really kick-start the creative flow. But why I chose a cramped dark place where I can hear people screaming through the walls I have no idea. And why I thought a change of clothes was also necessary is anybody’s guess. But, hey, no judgments, I’m all about making peace with the creative process in order to get the most out of it. So I’m here, in a cell or whatever, dressed in this blood-stained hospital gown, let the artistic rejuvenation begin!

And guess what? Despite the fact that the majority of my lower body is starting to go numb, I think this is actually working. Yep, my brain is a-churnin’. Seriously, I can literally hear the gears spinning in my head. It’s got something. And now my fingers are suddenly electric. Here it comes!

oatmeal, eggs, spaghetti, bananas  

What the f*ck!

I’m back to writing about my surroundings. Fine, I’m going to focus again on something specific. How about that message carved into the wall? H-E-L. Wait, now something else is happening. A door opens. A blast of harsh florescent light streams in from a dirty hallway. Some guys dressed like surgeons are here with a gurney. Okay, this is pretty interesting. One of the surgeons holds a drippy syringe in his hand. Oh yeah, this is definitely going to spark something good!

Oh, hold on, apparently the surgeons want me to put the computer down. I’m not exactly sure because they aren’t speaking English, but judging from their smiles and hand gestures they seem very eager for me to stop writing and come over and talk with them. All right, let me see what’s going on. So just hold on another second…