Photo by Daniel Steger

Sometimes in the act of writing my mind wanders, and what a haven the Internet is for the diverted.  And how appropriate that in my recent meandering I came upon this sage bit of advice from the Blogger’s Emergency Kit:  

Top 5 Solutions For When The Blog Well Runs Dry

5.  Make a Top 5 List of anything, like “Top 5 Reasons Why I’m Too Lazy To Just Plagiarize Something From The Daily Beast And Call It A Day”

4.  Hey, just trying to help in an emergency here. Sounds like five’s too much for you, so how about a Top 4 List? Four little things you can link together in an interesting way. Such as your top four secrets about Grandma’s undergarments to be revealed when that FamiLeaks site takes off. 

3.  Still nothing? Fine, let’s scale it back and make it a trio, because good things come in threes, like celebrity deaths. There you go! How about your top 3 favorite celebrity deaths? By dog mauling.

2.  Oh, you don’t follow that sort of thing, sure you don’t. Okay, Snootyboots, then you come up something. I dare you. Come on. Right now, two things off the top of your head that you can put together on a stupid Top 2 list. Hint: Your two most memorable bowel movements.

1.  What? I’m not being helpful? You’re not being helpful! Is the blog going to write itself? I’m offering a valuable service and all I get is pushback. We’re down to the last solution here, and I don’t think a Top 1 List is even a friggin’ list. So now what? Backed us into a corner, didn’t you? Oh jeeze. Don’t cry. Stop that. Please. I didn’t mean to yell. I didn’t! Okay. Sorry. Deep breaths. Long deep breaths. Feel better? What? Yeah, I got it, you were right, obviously you were right. I should’ve just let you clean out your damn refrigerator like you wanted to in the first place. So go ahead, fine, whatever, I’ll see myself out.