Photo by Alan Light
With the official start of Summer fast approaching, it’s my obligation as a blogsman to offer a sneak peek of what I’ll be up to during the longest days of the year. Here we go!
JUNE
- Agree to give lost tourists directions but only if they rub in the sunscreen on my back.
- Post bail after being arrested for insisting lost tourists rub in the sunscreen on my back.
- Attend the annual Boil Boil. In Crapahatchee, Alabama they feed a cold, starve the flu, and, at the county fairgrounds over the last weekend in June, pour pots of scalding water on the boil-inflicted.
JULY
- Dine and ditch in Philadelphia dressed as Ben Franklin
- Attend my local Air Horn Concert in the Park series
- Visit the Lawn Darts Hall of Fame/Texaco Station and Speedeez Car Wash; off the I-90, head north on Truedatt Blvd. until it dead-ends – 2 for one Hall admission and complimentary scent tree
AUGUST
- Train a pack of wild dogs to lead my chariot through downtown while I scream “The dog days are here! The dog days are here!”
- Reattach the appendage that wild dogs inevitably chew off during training sessions.
- Produce PSA about how to tell if a wild dog just wants to eat you or if it’s genuinely interested in learning how to lead a chariot through downtown.
Whew, well, some busy times are ahead for me. What will you be doing this summer?
My quest for professional vampire status continues!
I wish you continued good luck, St. Tracy, although you may be bummed to know that they don’t serve any garlic at their annual convention.
I am impressed that you will be taking on the task of informing us when the dog days have arrived. May I prostrate myself to you?
James, I want to say a thousand times yes, but prostrating will only aggravate the wild dogs.