Monday: If at first you try and don’t succeed, your mother has kept your childhood bedroom exactly the way it was all these years, you know, with your old lip cream dispenser and everything, so you have that at least.

Tuesday: A bird in the hand is worth twenty-two in twenty-two hands after you’re stuck in the cloning machine overnight.

Wednesday: When life gives you lemons, drink the lemonade like the other cult members and then make “Dr. Mike” your Power of Attorney.

Thursday: If you don’t stand for something, you’ll never get off this ski lift.

Friday: There is no “I” in liar.

Saturday: Don’t count your chickens before Charlie counts his. Seriously, let him count his chickens and ring his bell, and when he goes down to the river to wash his bags, you can count yours.

Sunday: Hindsight is 20-times more likely to RSVP early for your Game of Thrones watch party and then text you every day asking when it is.  

Bonus Aphorism: Dance like no one can believe your partner is holding up so well after being knocked unconscious five songs ago.