Hello, my dear readers.

In these unprecedented times, just knowing that you’re out there is a great comfort to all of us in Month 5 of quarantine here at blog headquarters.

How do I know that you’re out there? Well, because I’m hearing from you, and, understandably, you not only want to be heard you’d like a gosh darn response. Please forgive my tardiness in replying, we had 15 seasons of “The Real Abscessed Teeth of Orange County” to get through.

Now then.

First up is Theodor Lutz, who writes: Hey there! Looking for some fun to get into? Me too! Let’s get to know each other on a much more personal level.

Love the enthusiasm, Theodor. Unfortunately, these days it’s hard enough keeping in touch with my existing friends, I really can’t take on anyone new right now. You might consider reaching out to someone in New Zealand. Good luck and keep up that cheery disposition!

Next is a question that came in from Igor2w46: удалите,пожалуйста!

I ran this through our translator and, yes, thank you, Igor2w46, we have enough leeches to see us through at least October. Appreciate your concern, sir, thanks for checking in!

Moving on, here’s longtime reader, first time messager Andrew Kaminski: “I am truly interested in your business model and I would like to ask you to start cooperation with our company. Our marketing tool allows for reducing new customer acquisition costs by 60. Feel free to answer this message for further questions, or for unsubscribe.”

A reduction of 60?!! That’s unheard of in this business. Color me intrigued, Mr. Kaminski. Don’t be in such a rush to get an unsubscribe, my accounting department will be in touch. Dude, 60?! HFS!!

And the generosity keeps pouring in, as reader Rosetta Ficke demonstrates: “This Free course is all you need to Become a Super Affiliate in 30 Days.”

Rosetta, wow, what a small world. I actually escaped from the Super Affiliates back when I was nine, but thanks for thinking of me (and no, sorry, I won’t be able to provide a testimonial for the website).

And finally, this message arrived from reader/customer Sandy Lamble: “My package was damaged for the second time. I made a picture so that you can see what I mean. I hope you can help me solve this problem.”

Sandy, I’m so sorry, I don’t understand the issue. The item you bought from our gift store is called “Damaged Package.” Do you want to swap it for a set of those “fly-in-the-ice-cube” party gags? They’re hilarious, just FYI they are real flies in real ice cubes and will probably melt before they reach you. Let me know.