Build A Story With Bryan #3 – The Story Continues

Photo by Phil Konstantin

We’re building it slowly, but our contributors have put on us on the verge of something exciting. Give us a hand, lend a sentence or two, and push this story further into the unexpected.

I knew what Jenkins did for a living, or I knew enough anyway to make me wish I knew nothing, yet when he called sounding so desperate for help it felt good to be needed again, a feeling gone cold since Mother had died, and so, ironically perhaps, against the better judgment she’d instilled in me, I agreed to cover for him for the day.

I was a fool, and soon to be a bitter one. I had no idea what putting on that costume really meant, nor could I have expected the world it would drag me into. I had worn another’s costume before; at Mother’s insistence, the theatrical garb she kept in the steamer trunk under her bed was to be aired out every other week, and seeing it hang lifelessly from the clothesline made me sad. I took a turn in it all, and trod the boards of the attic stage, one day a lady buccaneer hunting for treasure in breeches and blouse, a rubber dagger clenched between my teeth, the next a gypsy spinning spells in a long bright skirt and silk scarves, both arms loaded down with rhinstone bangle bracelets.

But never had I been inside a costume as all-consuming as Jenkins’ was, a costume that required its own breathing apparatus. 

I wasn’t surprised that I could hear my own breath, but I was startled by the unexpected sound of my own heartbeat, pulsing through the thick costume’s layers as if the material acted like an amplifier. It was because of that amplificatication that I didn’t hear them coming. I think there were three of them, but I can’t be entirely sure because my view of the world around me was partially obstructed by the costume’s feathers which surrounded the eye-holes.

Where will you take the story next?

Courage To Face The Blank Page

The Lancashire Witches - from the archives of the Project Gutenberg

As writers we know how daunting it can be to face the blank page, and sometimes we do little things to build up our courage so we can have a productive day. Some people keep inspirational quotes or motivational sayings near their writing desk. Some people read a page or two from their favorite book to pump themselves up, while others start their sessions by doing some freewriting, to warm up their writerly muscles as it were. Every writer is different.

Here are the three things I do before diving in for a day’s work:

1. I’m a morning writer, so it’s essential that I eat a good breakfast. Some people swear by their protein shakes, but I’m hooked on an eclectic little potion I buy from three homely sisters out of the Czech Republic. It’s a bit expensive, and the ingredients on their own, wing of black bat, blood of gargoyle, paw of black cat, an ogre’s boil, are disgusting, but I’m telling you after you blend them all together and pour that creamy froth down your throat you’ll wonder why it’s not available in every GNC.

It makes you feel so great afterwards, really energetic, like your soul just went up a size. Which may have something to do with the warning on the package that says someone in the world dies every time you make it, but hey, somebody’s got to suffer for your art, and why should it be you?

2. People love their yoga and their meditation, don’t they? What I do is sort of a combination of both. First, I turn off all the lights in my room and then light the candles I’ve arranged in an intricate and precise pattern on the floor, according to specifications recommended by Tobin’s Spirit Guide. I then sit on a meditation pillow and say these words in my head over and over “Ixkash, Axkash, Oxkash, Exkash.” And I keeping doing it until a different voice in my head takes over; it’s a pretty deep, ground-rattling voice, actually, and eventually it gets so loud I have to let it just speak through me. Sometimes I say zany stuff like “The gates of Hell need more children’s bones,” or “Succumb to me or my demon crows will devour your flesh.” Other times, I’ll say “Combine chapters 3 and 4 and move them to the end of part 2…now I will build an altar to sacrifice your virgins.” Oh, and the yoga part is that I’m able to spin my head 360 degrees. Yeah, I’d like to see any Bikram fanatic do that!

I find this all really gets my adrenaline going and the creative juices flowing. I have had some cloven feet issues in the past, and it does hurt to urinate for about an hour afterwards, but it’s worth it. My writing has definitely benefited.

3.  Last but not least, I listen to thirty minutes of Yanni. Whenever I tell people this it really creeps them out. I don’t get it.  There’s nothing to be afraid of.

So that’s me. How do you build up the courage to face the blank page?

Build A Story With Bryan #3 – The Story So Far

Photo by Prochristo

Here’s how our third installment of Build A Story is going so far:

I knew what Jenkins did for a living, or I knew enough anyway to make me wish I knew nothing, yet when he called sounding so desperate for help it felt good to be needed again, a feeling gone cold since Mother had died, and so, ironically perhaps, against the better judgment she’d instilled in me, I agreed to cover for him for the day.

I was a fool, and soon to be a bitter one. I had no idea what putting on that costume really meant, nor could I have expected the world it would drag me into. I had worn another’s costume before; at Mother’s insistence, the theatrical garb she kept in the steamer trunk under her bed was to be aired out every other week, and seeing it hang lifelessly from the clothesline made me sad. I took a turn in it all, and trod the boards of the attic stage, one day a lady buccaneer hunting for treasure in breeches and blouse, a rubber dagger clenched between my teeth, the next a gypsy spinning spells in a long bright skirt and silk scarves, both arms loaded down with rhinstone bangle bracelets.

But never had I been inside a costume as all-consuming as Jenkins’ was, a costume that required its own breathing apparatus.

Thanks for reading, now where will you take the story next?

What Are You Reading?

Photo by George W. Ackerman

At the moment, I’ve got a couple of books going, Darrin Doyle’s The Girl Who Ate Kalamazoo and The Secret History by Donna Tartt. I’m halfway through the former and just starting the latter, but I’d already recommend both. I’m also reading a friend’s manuscript pages (part of a “manuswap” with pages from Cam Hanson), and I just read two fascinating profiles in the July 11-18 New Yorker The first is about Jaron Lanier, a pioneer of virtual reality technology, who is critical of social networking, how it’s “dehumanizing and designed to encourage shallow interaction.” The second is about Sheryl Sandberg, who left Google to become Facebook’s COO and is a champion and mentor for women who want to advance into executive positions.  

So that’s me, what about you? What are you reading these days? And in what format? Are you old-school like me, reading actual tangible books and magazines, or have you embraced the future and get your news online, keep a storehouse of books on an e-reader?

Build A Story With Bryan #3

Build A Story is back in its third incarnation! As before, I’ll start us off with an opening and then it’s up to you to add a sentence or two to keep the story going. I’ll periodically post the story in progress, and then put up the entire thing at the end of July or beginning of August.

Here goes:

I knew what Jenkins did for a living, or I knew enough anyway to make me wish I knew nothing, yet when he called sounding so desperate for help it felt good to be needed again, a feeling gone cold since Mother had died, and so, ironically perhaps, against the better judgment she’d instilled in me, I agreed to cover for him for the day.

What If? With Hollywood

Photo by Sorn

Playing the “What If?” game can sometimes be fun, but it can also be downright frightening. But what better way to overcome our fears than by bringing them to life in our imaginations, and devising their destruction in creative (and cathartic) ways? With that in mind, I raise the following nightmare scenario, which, a hypothetical evil though it may be, undoubtedly haunts the sleep of every movie-going citizen.

What if the movie studios remade, re-imagined, recycled every last title in their back catalogues? What if they exploited every board game, video game, TV show, comic book, novel, app, amusement park ride, and toy in existence? My god, what if we had to endure the horror of a moving picture featuring ideas and characters not previously conceived and presold in another format? 

Whew. Congratulations if you’re still with me, if you haven’t passed out from sheer terror. Excuse me a moment, I need to steal a breath from my oxygen tank.

Now then, how are we going to confront and overcome this impending? imaginary? crisis? Well, for inspiration, I’ve decided to look within…my own cupboards and cabinets. Ah, the soothing familiarity of the ubiquitous products we all eat and employ in our everyday lives, so easily adaptable into the tentpole franchises of the not too distant future; the obvious and necessary next stage in the evolution of filmed entertainment.

So never fear fellow moviegoers, here are four Hollywood blockbusters that will save us from the coming apocalypse of originality.

Mr. Clean – A stay-at-home mom doomed to a life using off-brand cleaning products has the adventure of a lifetime when Mr. Clean (Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson) comes to her aid after vengeful floors and drain pipes instigate a revolution inside her home. In a touching side story, Mr. Clean reconnects with the father he thought dead (a digitally-recreated Yul Brynner using outtakes from Westworld) after a violent skirmish with Scrubbing Bubbles.

The Con Agra Solution Chef Boyardee (Kevin James), Mrs. Butterworth (Renee Fleming) and Oscar Mayer (Christoph Waltz) do battle with an evil public school administrator out to destroy school lunches forever by insisting choices include food that hasn’t been processed or genetically modified for our safety. Cameo appearance by Samuel L. Jackson as Uncle Ben. 

Snuggle Me – Instead of suicide, a lonely architect sheds his macho image and uses Snuggle Fabric Softener on his laundry, triggering a visit from Snuggle the Fabric Softener Bear (voiced by Jon Voight) who teaches him how to win the woman of his dreams, a spunky cupcake entrepreneur. But the new couple’s bliss is threatened when the woman’s mother-in-law moves in and refuses to acknowledge the talking bear or the superiority of Snuggle Blue Sparkle dryer sheets over other leading brands.

What the Hell Happened to Breakfast?– In a world where children are forced to work the plain-flavored oatmeal swamps and unsweetened granola farms so common in modern dystopias, a band of valiant youths led by the Apple Jacks (the Jonas Brothers), the Froot Loops (Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen) and their pet rabbit Trix (Justin Bieber), dares to stand up for a child’s right to a little high fructose corn syrup, which according to revolutionary scientists just might be the cure for autism. Featuring the hit single “Two Scoops of Honey Smacks Helps The Medicine Go Down.”

Might you too have a market-tested blockbuster for Hollywood that will protect us from the unfamiliar (and thus, untrustworthy) original concept? For the sake of humankind, we all need to hear it.

What If? With Weird Al

Photo by Kristine Slipson

Summer time is here, and if you’re like me, you can’t wait to hit all the county fairs and catch all the classic rock bands that refuse to die. And if you’re even more like me, you secretly wonder what it’d be like if each band’s lead singer was replaced by Weird Al Yankovic. Wouldn’t it be awesome if somehow Weird Al was contractually obligated to take over some of the greatest classic rock bands touring the world? That he was mandated by international law to Weird Al-ify the band name and then adapt all of their songs to fit the theme that new name reflects?

Of course it’d be awesome, and so here are some examples of classic rock bands with Weird Al Yankovic at the helm, as well as a respective song from each, all of which now feature extended accordion solos.

  1. REO Speedwagon + Weird Al = OREO Speedwagon + “Can’t Fight This Feeling” = “Can’t Fight This Filling”
  2. Rush + Weird Al = Flush + “Closer to the Heart” = “Closer to a Fart”
  3. Styx + Weird Al = Shtickx + “Rockin’ the Paradise” = “Rock Opera’s My One True Vice”
  4. Judas Priest + Weird Al = Food As Beast + “Living After Midnight” = “Liver After Midnight”
  5. Journey + Weird Al =  Gurney + “Lovin’, Touchin’, Squeezin’’” = “Strugglin’, Crutchin’, Wheezin’”

I know that you know there are more groups out there who’d love to enlist Mr. Yankovic for their tour this summer. Send me your own Weird Al/rock band equations, and then have a fantastic Fourth of July weekend.

Build A Story With Bryan #2 – Complete, Needs A Title

Photo by MuZemike

Round 2 of Build A Story With Bryan is complete, thank you to everyone who participated and to everyone who read along as the story was being constructed. It’s a mysterious tale, with missed opportunities, missed connections, a foreboding light switch, and has a nifty shock of an ending. If after reading, you’re inspired to comment and/or come up with a title, I’d love to hear everything.

While the record changed, he noticed his right hand moving independent of where his brain had told it to go, instead of adding ice to her drink it was reaching for the light switch that had appeared where one hadn’t been before. All he could see was the light switch case. There was not a switch to turn on or off. Yet as his hand came closer to the switchless case, the lights flickered like a strobe light in some old fashioned long forgotten disco hall.

It was at that moment he could feel the hair on the back of his neck raise and the realization set in that he was not alone. He hoped that the outdated wiring in the abandoned warehouse he called home was on the fritz again, but it was hard to convince himself that it wasn’t something more sinister. Strange things like this had been happening to him ever since he’d met Seren Grossmann for a drink at Nando’s last Tuesday. He put the ice in her bowl, filled it with water and set it down. Angela was there immediately. She was thirsty. He watched her, but his thoughts returned…to last Tuesday.

The heady combination of the scent of Nando’s piri-piri wafting from the kitchen, the rioja in his glass and Seren’s smoldering eyes nearly caused him to succumb to her charms, AGAIN! Why was it that he agreed to see her whenever she asked, despite what she’d done? He was only saved from her by the ringing of his mobile. Hmm, a blocked number, he thought, and considered not answering, preferring to lose himself in those eyes.

“Did you bring it?” she asked with a purr, caressing her glass stem with the innuendo of an ambulance siren. “And if you did… how much do you want for it?” Her mouth was all business even if her eyes wore dance shoes.

“Yeah I brought it. But if I’m going to hand it over,” he continued, “There’s a price you may not be prepared to pay.” Her eyes continued to dance as her mouth remained in the ever so slight grin while remaining silent—she knew him well.

He rooted it from his pocket, placed it next to his glass, and froze. He had wrapped it in velvet to be sure, but this was no longer the same object he’d brought. This object was rectangular. He unwrapped it, revealing a switch plate discolored by time, the switch rising from the beige plastic like a child’s bony finger. Without intention, trancelike, they both began reaching for it.

They were interrupted again by the ringing of his mobile. As he pressed the button to answer the call, he caught a glimpse of Seren’s golden hair disappearing out the door. She knew he wouldn’t be able to resist the temptation. He would ring her and ask her to come back, and when he did she’d have the power to make him do anything she wanted.

“Damn,” he thought. After a brief static, an electronic telemarketer.“Double Damn!” he shouted and hung up. She’d taken the switch plate and the velvet he’d wrapped it in.

On the street, she hurried her pace. “Let him call,” she thought and caressed the child’s finger through the cloth. “It’s mine now. I’ll do what I want.” She took a corner and joined the darkness.

She wasn’t prepared for what she saw around that corner, and she wondered how the fat man had tracked her to this dark, lonely byway.

Angela continued to lap at her bowl, bringing him slowly back to the present without blinking. He hadn’t seen nor heard from Seren since that night. Angela crunched the ice cubes between her teeth, a familiar sign the water was gone. So when she began to lap again, it drew his attention… to the bottom of her bowl where a switch plate lay.

Her tongue caressed the switch without moving it. He knelt and lifted the bowl from her reach.
He carried it out of the light to the massive industrial windows and their grace of Manhattan across the river. His sadness was reflected in its shadows. Its creases were his; the decay, the thinning, the theft. He was old enough to go now. The switch would do the work. His fingers had already found it.

He closed his eyes… and flipped it.

But everything remained. He breathed deeply and looked. The city still there, Angela still rustling behind him. But slowly his focus shifted to his reflection and the young man staring back in disbelief.

The Writer’s Voice

Photo by Carl Van Vechten

What makes a writer unique? What makes him or her stand out? Their voice on the written page. Whatever the subject matter, whatever the story, the singular way an author communicates his or her vision: word choice; sentence structure; story structure; style; pace; point of view; world view; sense of humor. The list goes on and on. It’s not impossible to define the “writer’s voice” but it’s also not that much fun. Don’t tell us when you can show us! bellow the writing gods. Best just to read the work and let it speak for itself, and enjoy what it has to offer.

In that spirit, here are excerpts from a few of my favorite writers, and another, in the case of Aravind Adiga, a writer I’ve just started to read. All inspire me to continue to develop my own authorial voice and make it distinct and memorable.

God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater or Pearl Before Swine by Kurt Vonnegut (1965): E pluribus unum is surely an ironic motto to inscribe on the currency of this Utopia gone bust, for every grotesquely rich American represents property, privileges, and pleasures that have been denied the many. An even more instructive motto, in the light of history made by the Noah Rosewaters, might be: Grab much too much, or you’ll get nothing at all.

CivilWarLand in bad decline by George Saunders (1996): Next evening Mr. A and I go over the Verisimilitude Irregularities List. We’ve been having some heated discussions about our bird-species percentages. Mr. Grayson, Staff Ornithologist, has recently recalculated and estimates that to accurately approximate the 1865 bird population we’ll need to eliminate a couple hundred orioles or so. He suggests using air guns or poison. Mr. A says that, in his eyes, in fiscally troubled times, an ornithologist is a luxury, and this may be the perfect time to send Grayson packing. I like Grayson. He went way overboard on Howie’s baseball candy. But I’ve got me and mine to think of. So I call Grayson in. Mr. A says did you botch the initial calculations or were you privy to new info. Mr. Grayson admits it was a botch. Mr. A sends him out into the hall and we confab. “You’ll do the telling,” Mr. A says. “I’m getting too old for cruelty.”  

The Talented Mr. Ripley by Patricia Highsmith (1955): Was this the kind of man they would send after him? Was he, wasn’t he, was he? He didn’t look like a policeman or a detective at all. He looked like a businessman, somebody’s father, well-dressed, well-fed, graying at the temples, an air of uncertainty about him. Was that the kind they sent on a job like this, maybe to start chatting with you in a bar, and then bang!—the hand on the shoulder, the other hand displaying a policeman’s badge, Tom Ripley, you’re under arrest. Tom watched the door. Here he came. The man looked around, saw him and immediately looked away. He removed his straw hat, and took a place around the curve of the bar. My God, what did he want? He certainly wasn’t a pervert, Tom thought for the second time, though now his tortured brain groped and produced the actual word, as if the word could protect him, because he would rather the man be a pervert than a policeman. To a pervert he could simply say, “No thank you,” and smile and walk away. Tom slid back on the stool, bracing himself.

Deepest Thoughts by Jack Handey (1994): If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you’re in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don’t know what to tell you.

The White Tiger by Aravind Adiga (2008): Mr. Jiabao. Sir. When you get here, you’ll be told we Indians invented everything from the Internet to hard-boiled eggs to spaceships before the British stole it all from us. Nonsense. The greatest thing to come out of this country in the ten thousand years of its history is the Rooster Coop. Go to Old Delhi, behind the Jama Masjid, and look at the way they keep chickens there in the market. Hundreds of pale hens and brightly colored roosters, stuffed tightly into wire-mesh cages, packed as tightly as worms in a belly, pecking each other and shitting on each other, jostling for breathing space; the whole cage giving off a horrible stench—the stench of terrified, feathered flesh. On the wooden desk above the coop sits a grinning young butcher, showing off the flesh and organs of a recently chopped-up chicken, still oleaginous with a coating of dark blood. The roosters in the coop smell the blood from above. They see the organs of their brothers lying around them. They know they’re next. Yet they do not rebel. They do not try to get out of the coop. They very same thing is done with human beings in this country.

Who are the writers you enjoy? And what is it about their “voice” that makes their work such a pleasure to read?

Build A Story With Bryan #2 – Extended Through Friday!

Photo by Howcheng

Today was supposed to be the last day for round two of Build A Story, but I’ve decided to extend its run through Friday. This installment is on the verge of going into an exciting direction, and I wanted to give everyone more time to explore the possibilities. Here’s the story so far:

While the record changed, he noticed his right hand moving independent of where his brain had told it to go, instead of adding ice to her drink it was reaching for the light switch that had appeared where one hadn’t been before. All he could see was the light switch case. There was not a switch to turn on or off. Yet as his hand came closer to the switchless case, the lights flickered like a strobe light in some old fashioned long forgotten disco hall.

It was at that moment he could feel the hair on the back of his neck raise and the realization set in that he was not alone. He hoped that the outdated wiring in the abandoned warehouse he called home was on the fritz again, but it was hard to convince himself that it wasn’t something more sinister. Strange things like this had been happening to him ever since he’d met Seren Grossmann for a drink at Nando’s last Tuesday. He put the ice in her bowl, filled it with water and set it down. Angela was there immediately. She was thirsty. He watched her, but his thoughts returned…to last Tuesday.

The heady combination of the scent of Nando’s piri-piri wafting from the kitchen, the rioja in his glass and Seren’s smoldering eyes nearly caused him to succumb to her charms, AGAIN! Why was it that he agreed to see her whenever she asked, despite what she’d done? He was only saved from her by the ringing of his mobile. Hmm, a blocked number, he thought, and considered not answering, preferring to lose himself in those eyes.

“Did you bring it?” she asked with a purr, caressing her glass stem with the innuendo of an ambulance siren. “And if you did… how much do you want for it?” Her mouth was all business even if her eyes wore dance shoes.

“Yeah I brought it. But if I’m going to hand it over,” he continued, “There’s a price you may not be prepared to pay.” Her eyes continued to dance as her mouth remained in the ever so slight grin while remaining silent—she knew him well.

He rooted it from his pocket, placed it next to his glass, and froze. He had wrapped it in velvet to be sure, but this was no longer the same object he’d brought. This object was rectangular. He unwrapped it, revealing a switch plate discolored by time, the switch rising from the beige plastic like a child’s bony finger. Without intention, trancelike, they both began reaching for it.

They were interrupted again by the ringing of his mobile. As he pressed the button to answer the call, he caught a glimpse of Seren’s golden hair disappearing out the door. She knew he wouldn’t be able to resist the temptation. He would ring her and ask her to come back, and when he did she’d have the power to make him do anything she wanted.

The story is yours, what happens next is up to you.