It may not rank high on the list of devastating epidemics like childhood obesity, or our culture’s willingness to give Madonna enough rope with which to “reinvent” but not hang herself, it is nonetheless a genuine bummer whenever somebody loses a sentence.
Wiley creatures these words strung together with intention, and in need of constant supervision, as they will get sucked under a passing bus as easily as they’ll lay docile on the blank page. Thankfully, in cases of the former, there are goodhearted souls out there, who upon locating such parent-less prose, will dust it off, coax it into their memories, and then deliver it to me at Lost & Found Sentences, Inc.
So if you’ve had the hard luck of losing a sentence recently, here’s a round-up of what I’ve received in the last few months. Found in the darndest of places too, like turkey chili, a wig, an empty milk jug, can of pepper spray, a footprint, pigeon vomit.
“Her finger traced the saucer’s hairline crack as the poison took effect.”
“Trust the gut the doctor didn’t remove from you last night.”
“Seizing the moment, replied the swinging elbows and knees.”
“Razors tied together was his tinsel, the shuriken his Christmas star.”
“Take a knee, solider; take two knees if it makes you happy.”
“It was Friday, and that meant it was Gary’s turn to wear the special pants.”
“They tried passing the torch like oranges at summer camp, to disastrous results.”
“The scarf was curled up on the floor like a dead brown dog.”
“He’d had the pincer a day when they lopped it off and gave him a plate of beans in compensation.”
“He wore a shirt made from frosting after whipped cream went out of style.”
“His emotional baggage bulging inside his actual baggage, he threw both off the bridge that Mother built.”
“They dug him out of a frozen cornfield and sent him off in a suit and crooked smile.”
“They would stay the night, but on their own terms, in your pajamas, in your bed.”
“She’d meant to toss a pinch of salt over her shoulder, not the battle axe.”
“When he returned from the war the faces he saw were the open wounds he’d been unable to mend.”
“There were no second chances at this, his maniacal laugh had to be spot-on.”
“We weren’t certain who the thief was so we chopped everyone’s hands off.”
“He liked to wait until it was very quiet, and then the belt would come off.”
“Some made ill-fitting locks like marionettes, while others clapped as if afraid their hands might seal together.”
“Expecting the ‘job creators’ to regulate themselves is like asking a time bomb to defuse itself.”
Let me know if any of the above ring a bell. And if you’ve found a lost sentence, please leave it in the comments and be sure to include where you happened upon it. Thank you!