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Oscar Predictions!

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Photo by Ebayzme

Photo by Ebayzme

All right, fellow movie fanatics, it’s almost Oscar time! If you’re as rabid a filmgoer as I am and have been following this year’s race for Academy gold with anywhere near the rapt attention I’ve been paying to it, then you know how competitive movieland awards season has been in 2014.

Seriously, if you’ve been following the coverage and the profiles and the other award ceremonies with anything like my preternatural ability to forecast trends then you’re not going to be surprised that I’m expanding my usual list of Oscar predictions. That’s right, despite the fact that it’s a tighter race to the top this year, I’m setting myself a grand challenge. Anybody can pick Best Picture, Actress, Actor, but since I’m basically a raging junkie when it comes to movies and this whole crazy campaign season hoopla, I’m laying it on the line and predicting the winners of ALL THE OSCAR CATEGORIES.

I’m not kidding. I’ve got the entire list right down there.

Oh and hey, since I’m feeling lucky and I’m such a huge football fan, I might as well share my Super Bowl pick before the big game. I’m thinking the Patriots have just enough to beat the Seahawks. It’ll be close, maybe even coming down to one play in the fourth quarter. That’s just my gut instinct, I could be wrong.

Anyway, here are my picks for the 87th Annual Academy Awards, I can’t wait to see how the big night plays out!

BRYAN’S OSCAR PICKS (FOR THE YEAR 2014)

Best Picture – Birdman

Best Director – Alejandro Inarritu (Birdman)

Best Actor – Eddie Redmayne (Theory of Everything)

Best Actress – Julianne Moore (Still Alice)

Best Supporting Actor – J.K. Simmons (Whiplash)

Best Supporting Actress – Patricia Arquette (Boyhood)

Best Original Screenplay – Birdman

Best Adapted Screenplay – Imitation Game

Best Animated Feature – Big Hero 6

Best Foreign Language Film – Ida

Best Documentary – Citizenfour

Best Short Documentary – Crisis Hotline: Veterans Press 1

Best Cinematography – Birdman

Best Editing – Whiplash

Best Production Design – Grand Budapest Hotel

Best Costume Design – Grand Budapest Hotel

Best Original Score – Grand Budapest Hotel

Best Original Song – Glory (Selma)

Best Visual Effects – Interstellar

Best Makeup and Hairstyling – Grand Budapest Hotel

Best Sound Mixing – Whiplash

Best Animated Short – Feast

Best Live Action Short – The Phone Call

Best Sound Editing – American Sniper

It’s Awards Season!

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Photo by Anastasia Kotycheva

Photo by Anastasia Kotycheva

With the Grammys and Oscars and all the other end-of-year-awards ceremonies upon us, we here at the blog wanted to recognize some of the unsung overachievers in America who are never offered the chance to walk a red carpet. They still won’t, but at least they’re getting their due in a public forum.

After a very careful and thorough review of all the nominees in all categories, we’ve culled the list down to these ten very lucky winners. Congratulations everyone, your Arby’s coupons will be arriving second-class mail at the end of next month.

THE BRYANHILSON.COM TEN BEST OF 2014:

Best Hug Lasting Longer Than 3 Conspicuous Throat-Clearings – Pastor Gary Trumble and the widow Stevens, Kansas City, Kansas

Best Non-Fatal Text ’n Walk Over 1 City Block – Bob Dollort and his Samsung Galaxy s5, Boston, Massa—nope, he just walked in front of a bus.

Next Best Non-Fatal Text ’n Walk Over 1 City Block – Tammy Goodwin and her—oh god there goes another one!

Best Off-Label Use of An Antipsychotic Drug – Claude Evans, “Jurydutitis,” Rifle, Colorado

Best Quote From A Government Official Not Authorized To Speak Publicly On The Subject – “XXX XXXX XXXX XX XXX XXXXXX”, XXXXX, XXXXX, XXXXXX

Best Non-Anthropomorphized Cat Behavior In a Domestic Setting – “Feline Groovy” shitting in a cake pan, Jacksonville, Florida

Best Water Cooler Conversation About Water Coolers – Steve Ricketts, Erica Caldwell, Vince DeGuinn, Portland, Maine

Best Fake Amnesia Story To Explain Overdue Quarterly Budget Report – Allison McBane, Dublin, Ohio

Best Co-Opting Of A Wholesome Family-Run Food Brand By A Multinational Corporation – “Debbie’s Veggie’s” by Nefaricorp Global Partners, Houston, Texas

Best Photo-Bombing Of An Anesthetized Subject (Indoors) – Morris Stintannen during Hal Irwin’s vasectomy, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Did your favorite nominee not make the cut? Leave a comment and let us know and we’ll tell you why we thought otherwise.