Hooray, summertime is here! And what is summertime good for? Sun and fun and maybe an indulgence or two. An extra scoop, one more cocktail, a quick stroll down Low Brow Street. What’s a little junk food for the body and the mind going to hurt? We’ll make up for it after Labor Day, right? If we make it to Labor Day alive, that is.

Here’s hoping and here’s my Summer Guilty Pleasure To-Do List. Do you have one? Share it with me!

Bryan’s Summer Guilty Pleasure To-Do List

Movie: “Slow Motion Explosion VII: San Diego Zoo 3D”

Beach Read: I Just Ripped My Bodice; No Seriously, I Ripped It Pretty Bad

TV Series: “Matlock Undead”

Concert Festival: Swamp Music Acid Nightmare 2014

Dessert Topping: Sugar-coated sugar sauce

Dessert Topping for my Dessert Topping: Dexedrine

Adult Beverage: Coors Factory Recall ‘87

Catch-Phrase: “Talk to the hand because that’s my face right now SWAMP MUSIC ACID NIGHTMARE FESTIVAL!”

T-Shirt: I’m With Stupid…Melvin J. Stupid, And He Said He Put Me On The List. Don’t Give Me That Look, Check It Again Smart-Ass!

Recreational Sport: The two-legged race where I’m ankle-cuffed to the machine they sell at Walmart that both draws your blood and feeds you liquid cheese intravenously

Serious Commitment Sport: The softball team that skips the game and drives straight to McSporty’s for fried chicken sticks and beers the size of windsocks

Vacation Spot: Global Warming Village – “We’ll Leave The Lights On For You…Forever”

Campfire Story: Man With The Hook Hand’s Botched Colonoscopy

Sunburn: Third Degree Equator Bake

Fast Food Restaurant: Risk Burger

Snack Food: Candy Toothpaste – Now With 38% More Whitening Frosting!

Unnecessary Surgery: Kidney rotation

Hobby: Checking off the items on my To-Do List while cackling with the bear driving us the wrong way on mountain switchbacks