Photo by Alex Handy
Thank goodness I didn’t need the Internet’s permission to put up my new website and blog. But what if I did? Well, it might go a little something like this…
Internet: So what have you got for me?
Bryan: Okay, it’s a—
Internet: FYI, speak in 140 characters or less, or I’m catching z’s dude.
Bryan: I have this new website with a blog page, a way to establish a—
Internet: OMFG! :O You gotta see this video! A baby just ate a cat. ROFLMAO!
Bryan: —a web presence. I’m a writer. A novelist and a screen—
Internet: You got content. I got content. You show me yours, I’ll show you mine.
Bryan: Exactly. I’m posting excerpts of my stuff—
Internet: Plug in your e-reader, or go wireless if your computer’s into virtual sex, I don’t care. Download, upload, use me, abuse me. And I’ll return the favor. BFWB, right?
Bryan: I should admit up front I’m kind of a purist. I still prefer my books in a tangible form.
Internet: JCOATW. You probably read actual newspapers and magazines too.
Bryan: Is “yes” the wrong answer?
Internet: Hey, I read The New Yorker, big deal. Okay, only the cartoons, and only the ones with naked people in them. They should put more of those in. Something about cartoon naked people…
Bryan: So, as I was saying, my website has a page for each of my—
Internet: Memes? Animated New Yorker cartoons with the naked people?
Bryan: No.
Internet: Too bad. I’d like to see that. How about a montage of shots from the Royal Wedding combined with the audio of that drunk kid in Florida who wrestled a lawn mower?
Bryan: Would I have a better chance with you if I did?
Internet: BOOMM. What’s trending right now? Babies eating cats, J-Beeb’s prison tats, Facebook’s Provisional Government in Libya. Are you still here, NOOB?
Nice Blog, Bryan!!!! I look forward to future postings!!!! You are too funny!
Thank you, Jen, much appreciated! I can come up with a nicer gift for you being my very first commentator. How about a pair of crutches?
Awesome post man. You doubled the humor content on the intent the moment you went live. Rock on.
Thanks, Johnny! And thank you for your help with everything. Your credit will be coming soon at the bottom of every page.
Good to see a voice of reason emerge from the inter-ethers! I’m bookmarking this so it better be good!
I won’t let you down, J.P. If at any time you’re not 100% satsified, I’ll spend an extra hour in the hole.
Hey Bry, love the new site sir! My job interview with the internet went something like that. As you’d expect though, there was a lot more Nell Carter talk.
Thank you, Bri! I should have opened with a Nell Carter anecdote, something to break the ice before jumping in. But you never know with the Internet, real finicky.
It’s better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. Please send bandages.
It says my comment is awaiting moderation. Is your web site calling me immoderate?
Yeah, I think it is. It’s got a mind of it’s own. Technology is slowly but surely taking us over.
I say there is a weekly discussion between the BH Unconscious Mind and The Jimp. Now THAT would be history making stuff. Likely would be able to solve cold fusion and destroy Communism as well.
Good stuff Bry.
Thanks, Brown! If the Jimp can be contained, this would probably be a very fruitful meeting.
Raise your hand if you like nudie cartoons! Me first please, Mr. Peepers!!
I’m going to work very hard on animating those for the site. I think humankind will be all the richer for it.
It totally makes sense that the internet has ADD, but you managed to have a conversation nonetheless. I hope there is a follow-up interview with the internet!
If I can come up with a way to animate those naked people cartoons, there may be a second round with the Internet.
so very happy now.
Nice job little brother. Good stuff. That internet seems like a cool cat. Maybe it knows another cool customer named facebook. Will you be my friend?
Thank you Sneaky D! And yes, the Internet knows Facebook intimately, it gave birth to Facebook. I’ve seen pictures.
Hysterical, Bry. Nice stuff. I didn’t get in in time to get the neck brace you promised. Are there any consolation prizes?
Thank you, Jim!
Let’s see, prizes…I have a plastic tube for siphoning gas, or half of a ham sandwich. Take your time with this.
OMFG I can’t find the video of the baby eating the cat!? Where is it!?
It must have been pulled due to the severe cat shortage on the East Coast. Hungry, impressionable babies over there…
Hilarious!!!
hahahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHA!
awesome. needed a good laugh today. thanks, bryan!
I’m so glad that you were able to persuade the internet to accept this blog. It will serve as valuable evidence should the family ever need to commit you to the asylum for mouldy cheeseheads!