Photo by The Culinary Geek

Happy Halloween everyone! If you’re in the area trick ‘r treating, stop on by and get loaded up with some of the good stuff:

• Nestle’s Milk Chocolate Ball Bearings – You know the jingle: So much fun going in, so much adventure coming out.
• Gobstopper Existential Dread Flavor – Because you’re never too young to fret about how insignificant you and your purple tongue are in the greater scheme of things.
• Popcorn Balls from 1986 – Even back then they tasted like they were 30 years old.
• Boston Baked Beans – Not the candy, actual Boston baked beans, steaming hot from my ladle into your bag.
• Topps All-Star Candy Bars Trading Cards – Something nice for the diabetic kids. All the favorites tastefully photographed.
• Game-day decision – Pamphlets advertising my sinkholes for sale in Florida, or my frosted corned beef hash squares made with fresh Florida sinkhole water.
• Willy Wonka’s Gummy Anatomies – Squish a large intestine between your teeth. Oh no, somebody didn’t fully digest that piece of cod!
• Cliven Bundy’s Gummy Manifestos – Reserved for the parents who dress up their kids as Donald Trump un-ironically. So they’ll skip over my house when the election doesn’t go their way.
• Nougat whippets – Mini aerosol cans good for three sniffs of straight up, unfiltered nougat scent.
• Spike strips – For use at the end of the day when you commandeer the family car in a fit of sugar-induced rage.

What will YOU be handing out this Halloween?