What I’m Handing Out This Halloween

Photo by The Culinary Geek

Photo by The Culinary Geek

Happy Halloween everyone! If you’re in the area trick ‘r treating, stop on by and get loaded up with some of the good stuff:

  • Nestle’s Milk Chocolate Ball Bearings – You know the jingle: So much fun going in, so much adventure coming out.
  • Gobstopper Existential Dread Flavor – Because you’re never too young to fret about how insignificant you and your purple tongue are in the greater scheme of things.
  • Popcorn Balls from 1986 – Even back then they tasted like they were 30 years old.
  • Boston Baked Beans – Not the candy, actual Boston baked beans, steaming hot from my ladle into your bag.
  • Topps All-Star Candy Bars Trading Cards – Something nice for the diabetic kids. All the favorites tastefully photographed.
  • Game-day decision – Pamphlets advertising my sinkholes for sale in Florida, or my frosted corned beef hash squares made with fresh Florida sinkhole water.
  • Willy Wonka’s Gummy Anatomies – Squish a large intestine between your teeth. Oh no, somebody didn’t fully digest that piece of cod!
  • Cliven Bundy’s Gummy Manifestos – Reserved for the parents who dress up their kids as Donald Trump un-ironically. So they’ll skip over my house when the election doesn’t go their way.
  • Nougat whippets – Mini aerosol cans good for three sniffs of straight up, unfiltered nougat scent.
  • Spike strips – For use at the end of the day when you commandeer the family car in a fit of sugar-induced rage.

What will YOU be handing out this Halloween?

 

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