Thank goodness I didn’t need the Internet’s permission to put up my new website and blog. But what if I did? Well, it might go a little something like this…

Internet: So what have you got for me?

Bryan: Okay, it’s a—

Internet: FYI, speak in 140 characters or less, or I’m catching z’s dude.

Bryan: I have this new website with a blog page, a way to establish a—

Internet: OMFG! :O You gotta see this video! A baby just ate a cat. ROFLMAO! 

Bryan:  —a web presence. I’m a writer. A novelist and a screen—

Internet: You got content. I got content. You show me yours, I’ll show you mine.

Bryan: Exactly. I’m posting excerpts of my stuff—

Internet: Plug in your e-reader, or go wireless if your computer’s into virtual sex, I don’t care. Download, upload, use me, abuse me. And I’ll return the favor. BFWB, right?

Bryan: I should admit up front I’m kind of a purist. I still prefer my books in a tangible form.

Internet: JCOATW. You probably read actual newspapers and magazines too.

Bryan: Is “yes” the wrong answer?

Internet: Hey, I read The New Yorker, big deal. Okay, only the cartoons, and only the ones with naked people in them. They should put more of those in. Something about cartoon naked people… 

Bryan: So, as I was saying, my website has a page for each of my—

Internet: Memes? Animated New Yorker cartoons with the naked people?

Bryan: No.

Internet: Too bad. I’d like to see that. How about a montage of shots from the Royal Wedding combined with the audio of that drunk kid in Florida who wrestled a lawn mower?

Bryan: Would I have a better chance with you if I did?

Internet: BOOMM. What’s trending right now? Babies eating cats, J-Beeb’s prison tats, Facebook’s Provisional Government in Libya. Are you still here, NOOB?