You know how when you slip into an alternative dimension and have countless adventures with a half-dog half-rejected leisure suit patent named Good Times Woof-Woof and learn life lessons from a passive-aggressive slow cooker, then eventually you reenter the real world and it’s like maybe a minute of time has passed?

Well, that apparently doesn’t happen when you answer an ad for “Free Industrial Paste” and wake up in the trunk of a 1979 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme. Two whole years go by.

I guess I’ll have to let these intermittent flashbacks fill in the blanks…..I’m on the street, it’s late, got my tub of free industrial paste. I see a sign with an arrow pointing to an alley, it says “MORE Free Industrial Paste”……

That’s all I’ve got at the moment.

In the meantime, I’m sifting through the wreckage left behind by my former bryanhilson.com staff, seeing what can be salvaged. It’s mostly emotional wreckage, so I’m confident I’ll still come out ahead this fiscal year.

And culturally, I’m not worried about what I’ve missed since I’ve been gone. #NOFOMO. I trust that the world is just as stable, reasonable, and sane as it was when I disappeared.

No, my biggest concern is you, dear reader. What have I done for YOU lately? Once upon a time I was a man with a blog and a surplus of industrial paste. Now I’m just a man with a blog. Well, I’m not taking that for granted anymore, or you, or my vocation, or that every trunk in every 1979 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme will have formaldehyde leather interior as a failsafe in case of sudden unconsciousness.  

My fingers are castanets. My brain is a steamboat. It’s clear what I’m getting at.

I hereby pledge to get this party restarted and not be a wallflower. Let’s once again, shall we, spike this proverbial punchbowl?