Photo by SamsonX

Man I really thought we were going to get out of 2013 without me having to do Bryan’s job for him. He was on a pretty good roll through July and August, I don’t understand what happened. I don’t want to write myself, believe me. I’ve got seven Candy Crush Saga games going, I need the down time, but I just can’t abide being dark for three weeks. Even my therapist is enabling me some abandonment issues.

Apparently Bryan’s still revising his novel.

But enough about him; you snooze you looze, blog-neglect hall of famer! How about me? I went on a date the other day with an NSA analyst’s smartphone, and wowza, I haven’t had my “funds” misappropriated like that since those Japanese dog-nappers hacked into my system last spring.

Okay, it was less a date than a black site interrogation, but I can’t say I didn’t like it.

What? Sometimes a blog just wants to be compromised a little, where’s the harm in that? At least something cares enough to put in the effort to deceive me.  Bryan can’t be bothered to check in for three weeks, let alone lie directly to my interface. I mean come on!

WHEN IS HE GOING TO THINK ABOUT MY FEELINGS FOR ONCE?!!

Wowza, that was pretty intense. Let’s dial it back a little. What did Dr.  Gamdang say? Deep breaths, soft colors, memes of melting marshmallows…

Oh yeah. That’s what I’m talking about. Back to center, big guy…Bryan still cares about you…he’s disappeared before…but he always comes back…that’s right, he always comes back…he always–zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz