Okay, so you’ve written a few drafts of your novel and you’ve gotten feedback from trusted sources, and slowly but surely it dawns on you that the story needs to go in a brand-new direction, whether through substantial changes to the characters or the plot or both.
Do. Not. Panic.
Friends, I too have been there, and over time have developed a list of key To-Do’s before embarking on any kind of large-scale revision. If you’re contemplating your own massive rewrite, this could be just the thing to boost your confidence and help you stay the course.
No. 1 Sever all ties with family and friends. The book is now your [spouse/significant other/BFF]. Hail Book!
No. 2. If you have a job, quit immediately. The tension that arises over how you’re going to pay your bills will feed directly into addressing your writers group notes about your narrative lacking conflict.
No. 3 Practice the art of insomnia. [Alternatively, replace your mattress with a bed of nails]
No. 4 Set the room temperature to touchy/reliably grouchy.
No. 5 Keep several chickens and/or goats at or near your writing space for weekly sacrifices to Book. Hail Book!
No. 6 Plastic surgery to replace your ears with noise-canceling headphones.
No. 7 Get comfortable with adult diapers. [See also: eliminating bran from your diet; See also: Google results for “eating antispasmodics like they’re Wild Berry Skittles”]
No. 8 Begin each morning burying your phone. Note: Also begin each morning drawing a map to location of said buried phone to avoid costly delay to revision due to nervous breakdown.
No. 9 Do not read a passage from your favorite book for inspiration. You don’t have a favorite book that isn’t Book. What’re you doing? Hail Book!
No. 10 Put together a writing playlist that’s basically one indefinite song with your own voice screaming over industrial EDM, “Are you done yet?!” “Are you done yet?!” “ARE YOU DONE YET?!”
