Photo by Liferunner 100

It’s not every day you get a request from an icon to use your blog to spread an important message. Introducing the latest guest blogger to bryanhilson.com: The Number 6, everybody!

Yeah 6 here, and by the way, it’s the ORIGINAL 6, as in the “6” Yahweh used in her diary when she wrote about creating, oh, a little something called the  ENTIRE FREAKING UNIVERSE. The other sixes out there? All clones of me. Oh, you wanna see my birth certificate? Fine, fine, I’ll send it to you for review. Yeah, just look under the section that says SHUT YOUR FREAKING PIEHOLE.

Anyway, I gotta make this thing quick.  There’s a financial report missing me right now and some Wall Street hoohas could go to jail if I don’t show up. Or maybe they won’t. Those guys are some pretty slippery bastards. You know what I’m talking about.

Okay, what I’m here for. My beef with the Internet: What’s up with all the Top 5 lists?

Fine, you want ’em so bad, here’s a couple for you: Top 5 Ways Number 5’s A Navel Gazer, Top 5 Ways To Stroke Number 5’s Ego. News alert, Internet, the cool stuff doesn’t revolve around Number 5. It’s not a five-shooter, it’s a FREAKING SIX-SHOOTER. YOU PICK UP THE LADIES WITH A FREAKING SIX-STRING.

And don’t patronize me with “Well gee, 6, there’s soooo many Top Ten lists out there.” Please. You know as well as I do that people get bored by the time they get to 3, and by 5 they’re flat-lining until something shiny and new comes along.  And that ain’t how Number 6 rolls. You know what I’m talking about.  So save the lists, World Wide Web, and show 6 some love.

But do not give me that 666 bs. Everybody knows the Number of the Beast begins with 1-900.

Bottomline: I’m tired of the disrespect. Maybe one day all us 6’s are gonna TAKE OUR FREAKING BALLS AND GO HOME. Think about that world. TOTAL FREAKING COLLAPSE OF THE WHOLE SYSTEM. I’m the first perfect number. If I drop out you think 5’s gonna pick up that slack? 7?

Yeah, good luck with that.