Photo by Cecil Beaton
Hey, hi, Happy Belated New Year!
So, here’s the deal, I’m a bit behind with posting a “Best Of ” list for 2016. Crazily enough, for as gloomy as it seemed, the year provided me with a surplus of topics. But I need some help. I’ve narrowed it down to ten “Top Tens,” but I can’t decide which one to publish. How about you be the decider? Thanks, reader(s)!
THE YEAR THAT WAS 2016
Top Ten Rationalizations For Why I Kept Touching Your Food In The Office Fridge
Top Ten Moments When I Realized Too Late I Don’t Have Telekinesis
Top Ten Explanations For How That Jackhammer Ended Up Here And Not In Detroit
Top Ten Hallucinations While Trapped And Dehydrated In That Forbidding Chasm Store
Top Ten Apologies For When You Find The Lap Band They Took Out Of Me In Your Suitcase
Top Ten Fake Phone Calls I Took To Avoid Talking To My Imaginary Friend
Top Ten Harangues When A Simple Harumph Would Have Sufficed
Top Ten Organ Transplants I Wish I’d Been Too Drunk To Perform
Top Ten Negotiating Tactics For When I Have That Dream Again About Kim Jung Un And His Levitating Cage Of Silicon Valley Minotaurs
Top Ten Thoughts I Didn’t Keep To Myself After You Left About The Crappy Tuna Casserole You Baked At The Last Minute Only Because You Felt Guilty About Not Remembering It Was A Potluck When We Ran Into Each Other At The Store And You Didn’t Compliment My New Haircut
I like the jackhammer and Detroit one.
And a vote for the jackhammer, thank you Aunt Diane!
I’m torn between thoughts and fake calls…
Okay, a vote for thoughts and fake calls (tabulating on my abacus)…
Wait – you DON’T have telekinesis…?
Eric, no, apparently a correspondence course isn’t enough.
I like the imaginary friend one. You know us old retired kindergarten teachers always like imaginary friends!
Thanks Mom, my imaginary friend says thank you!
Tough to pick, but I’ll have to go with the final one. I can relate because no one here at the office has mentioned anything about how nice my face looks today with a freshly trimmed beard (which was growing into Duck Dynasty territory until St. Tracy said something about it last night), and I would very much like to bare-butt-print the computer monitors of all my insensitive, unobservant colleagues.
Thank you, Eric! And shame on your co-workers. Do you have any of the trimmings? Maybe some of those end up sprinkled on lunches?