Tag Archives: Disney

LA Times Festival of Books!

Photo by Carolyn Kraft

Photo by Carolyn Kraft

It’s April again and that can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people. My apologies to anyone looking for a post on whether or not creamed honey will finally be classified as an alternative fuel. (You’ll have to wait for my review later this year of the new Nissan Mecha-Grizzly.)

This post is about the 21st Annual LA Times Festival of Books, held last weekend on the beautiful brick and stone USC campus. Saturday was rainy and Sunday was sunny and both days were very well-attended. Here are some of the intriguing things the authors I saw had to say:

“Magical realism reminds us as human beings that there is hope and beauty out there.”

“If you believe along with the narrator that the [fantastical] things happening are true, it’s not magical realism. If you don’t, then it is.”

“Writers are often reacting to things that frustrate them about their other writing.”

“YA [literature] is so wide open. You can go anywhere you want. There’s no box you have to fit into.”

“When people have complimented me on my writing, they said it’s mysterious and cryptic and things are not explained. When people have criticized my writing, they said it’s mysterious and cryptic and things are not explained.”

“What’s cool about art is the exceptions.”

“I don’t really care what genre means. The work can take care of itself.”

“When you begin a novel you feel like a bit of a fraud. The more you do it the more faith you have in the viability of the world you’re creating.”

“I think about readers after the fact. It’s not what drives me to do the work. I don’t think it’s healthy to think about it.”

“Fiction, art, always has to be life plus.

“Donald Trump is able to go for the jugular. It’s like he stole Jeb Bush’s lunch money, threw his shoes up on top of the school, and Jeb couldn’t handle it.”

“Disney told me, ‘We want a thriller, but nothing bad can happen.’ ”

“What’s special about this story? If I can’t find it, I don’t write it.”

“There’s no ‘Red Weddings’ in Middle Grade.”

“My narrator is the crotchety old man who lives inside of me.”

Photo by Carolyn Kraft

Photo by Carolyn Kraft

“Very rarely will someone buy your intentions. Finish the book.”

“The anxiety of not knowing where I’m going in a story is what drives me.”

“I wrote this [middle grade] book as a YA novel, but it’s not. My editor pointed this out to me.”

“Wonder isn’t about finding answers; it’s about being comfortable with the questions.”

“There are as many ways to be dead as there are to be alive.”

“Teenagers: Maximum personal responsibility with absolutely no personal power.”

“Some 17-year-olds are 13 in their heads and some 17-year-olds are 25 in their heads. And they have to hang out together.”

“The only thing worse than writing is not writing.”

“Every first draft I go through this question: ‘I don’t know how to do this.’ ”

“If you’re a young person and you have the choice between writing and having an experience, have the experience.”

WHO SAID THIS STUFF (in order): Sean McGintyShaun David Hutchinson, Peter Rock, McGinty, Rock, McGinty, Patrick DeWitt, Karl Taro Greenfeld, DeWitt, Greenfeld, Dee Dee MyersRidley Pearson, Soman Chainani, M.A. Larson, Tahereh Mafi, Larson, Chainani, Mafi, Leigh Ann Henion, Claire Bidwell Smith, Jeff Garvin, Jesse Andrews, Garvin, Don Calame, Aaron Hartzler

What If? – Hollywood Directors And Their Fussy Stars

Norma Desmond - Sunset Boulevard

Norma Desmond – Sunset Boulevard

An article in last Sunday’s LA Times Calendar Section detailed the tumultuous production of Paul Schrader and Bret Easton Ellis’s new psychosexual neo-noir film “The Canyons.” Starring the ever reliable Lindsay Lohan, I was amused/disturbed to read that in order to coax his shy starlet to go through with a nude scene, Mr. Schrader himself bared all on the set.

Okay, then. I think plenty of actresses would appreciate the gesture, and you have to admire Schrader’s commitment to…the craft, yes, the CRAFT. Don’t you? Well it doesn’t matter if you don’t because Lohan eventually did, and the results are there for everyone to see (you know you want to) on VOD now and in selected cities this Friday.

Anyway, this story prompted me to wonder if other directors of other films of dubious merit this year experienced anything similar with their stars. So let’s play What If? – Hollywood Directors and Their Fussy Stars.

What if you’re director Dennis Dugan on the set of “Grownups 2” and David Spade is refusing to do the scene where he gets whacked in the groin seven times by a kid with a bucket over his head wielding a golf club. Do you:

a) Replace him with Rob Schneider but then surgically alter Schneider’s face to resemble Spade’s so as not to lose money on any pre-printed promotional material;

b) Replace him with Rob Schneider but only for the groin-whacking scenes, and then return Schneider to the secret island paradise he owns with Chris Kattan.

c) Wake up inside your trailer and laugh that it was all a dream because Spade has never balked at sacrificing his scrotum for a cheap laugh; or

d) Wake up on the set and realize it’s not just a dream because Paul Schrader’s next to you naked and pounding himself in the gonads to inspire confidence in your waffling actor.

What if you’re director Raja Gosnell on the set of “Smurfs 2” and Jayma Mays has taken craft services hostage because she’s fed up acting scenes with the tennis ball dangling from a string that will later be digitized as Handy/Grouchy/Vanity/Clumsy Smurf. Do you:

a) Shut down the whole smurfing production until the actual Handy/Grouchy/Vanity/Clumsy Smurfs can be smurfing located;

b) Wish Jayma and the old craft services well and replace them with Rob Schneider and his secret island paradise craft services team;

c) Enlist Neil Patrick Harris to distract cast and crew members with close-up magic while French special forces snipers end the standoff; or

d) Bring Paul Schrader on set to get naked and painted blue to read lines like he was George C. Scott’s character from “Hardcore.”

What if you’re director Gore Verbinski on the set of “The Lone Ranger” and Johnny Depp is refusing to play Tonto as an embarrassing Native American stereotype as written in the script and approved by your Disney overlords. Do you:

a) Remind him that this whole freaking disaster was his idea in the first place;

b) Show him the market research proving it was his lack of being an embarrassing Native American stereotype that led to the box office bombs “Dark Shadows,” “The Tourist,” and “Public Enemies”‘;

c) Rewrite the entire movie replacing Tonto with Jack Sparrow, because no one seems to be offended by an embarrassing pirate stereotype; or

d) Send Depp to one-on-one insensitivity training with Paul Schrader who’s wearing nothing but the crow headdress and the Washington Redskins mascot tattooed on his chest.

Thanks for playing, everybody. Let me know how you came down on these.