Okay, seeing that Bryan hasn’t been at the helm for a few weeks and hasn’t responded to my SOS,  I guess it’s up to me to steer this ship before it runs aground. Translation: I’ve got write myself again and in the process stretch a metaphor to its breaking point.

Hello everybody, if we haven’t met before, I’m Bryan’s blog.  The last time I wrote myself, it came off as kind of a bitch-fest, and I don’t want to replicate that here. Of course, this post is still all about me, but effort has been made to tailor it to what’s happening out there in the human world.

And what’s happening right now is kids young and old are busy making their Christmas lists, and why should a blog be any different? Cut to: Here’s what Bryan’s blog wants for Christmas.

1) More attention from the “blogmaster” – Still finishing my social media version of “A Christmas Carol” to slip under Bryan’s tree this year. If that doesn’t work, me and his Facebook page and Twitter account will literally put on ghost costumes and scare the bejeezus out of him.

2) An ad linked to an online gambling service – Maybe we only make 2 cents every click, but it adds up and suddenly the items on this list become a reality. Of course, if you have a gambling addiction, only click on this ad two or three or times a week.

3) A Mrs. Bryan’s Blog – Hey, it’s not only animals, vegetables, and minerals who have “needs.”

4) Flashing tabs – Spectacle sells, my friends. Who doesn’t want to click on a “Blog” tab that’s lit up like Times Square?

5) An afternoon with Google Analytics (for a little “Search Engine Optimization,” if you get my meaning) – FYI, this is about as close as I get to paying someone to service those aforementioned “needs.” Here’s hoping someone comes through on #3.

6) A few more reader comments – Yeah, if I could put on a Santa suit and set up a bucket and ring a bell outside your house I would.

7) Dearfoam slippers – No explanation necessary.

8) World peace -It’s still cool to want that, right?

9) A theme song – Something that suggests an air of danger but also folksy-wholesomeness,  so obviously it’ll need castanets and hand-claps.

10) Insert your gift idea for Bryan’s blog this Christmas. Translation: more pandering for reader comments. Ring! Ring!

All right then everyone, go safely forth this holiday season and keep a certain blog (and maybe $30-$40) in mind during all this giving and receiving business. Thank you in advance.